This little light of mine...

A very sweet friend of ours took pictures of Barclay and his beautiful bald head a few weeks ago and when she posted his picture gallery she put this song with it. I don't think there could possibly be a better song to describe Barclay and the way he has handled the cards he has been dealt. In so many ways he seems like the same person he was before...but there is something different. He has a faith like no other and he just shines. He has the brightest light and I hope that it continues even after he overcomes this illness and moves on with his life. Enjoy the song and the pictures!


There's a little flame inside us all
Some shine bright
Some shine small
The rains will come
And the waters rise
But don't you ever lose your light

In this life you will know
Love and pain
Joy and sorrow
So when it hurts
When times get hard
Don't forget who's child you are

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm Gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

May you live each day
With no regret
Make the most of every chance you get
And your eyes get wide
When you look at the stars
With the same sense of wonder as a child's heart

With the ones you love
Treasure the time
And for those who are gone
Keep the memories alive

Hold on to your dreams
Don't ever let go
There's a fire inside you
Burning with hope

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

There will be days when you wanna give up
When clouds settle in
But after the rain comes the sun
Don't you ever forget
Don't forget
Don't, don't forget

One day there will be no more pain
And we will finally see Jesus' face
So until then I'm gonna try
To brave the dark
And let my little light shine

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine

This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
This little light of mine
I'm gonna let it shine
Gonna let it shine
Oh, shine
Gonna let it shine
There's a little light inside us all

These are the things I've learned...

Since my family has been introduced first hand to the C-word I have said that it has taught me a lot about what really matters....when I really sit down and think about it there are 3 main things it has taught me:

1. God has a greater plan for my life than I could ever imagine. He always knows what he is doing. He never second guesses the things he does and he never gives up on His people. Who would have ever thought that Barclay would touch literally THOUSANDS of people's lives through his illness? Through this terrible time he has been able to share his unwavering faith in the Lord with multitudes of people. He has been given the opportunity to glorify God through a time when most people would start questioning and asking God why. Instead...we have learned to say, "Why not us? Why not Barclay?"

2. I have learned who is really important in my life. My family will be stronger than ever after we cross the finish line and Barclay is completely healthy again. We have had our share of tough times over the last few months but we have stuck together. We have not taken this illness as being Barclay's alone...it's like the cancer has taken a hold in all of us. We will not be well until Barclay is well. Also, I've learned who we can truly rely on. Many of our friends have stuck by us and have taken care of us like we were their own family. I can not think of greater people to have in my life and I am so thankful that God placed them in our lives for just a time as this.

3. You can not take things for granted. I realized on April 26th how many things I took for granted and how many things really just didn't matter. As I sat outside my class that morning crying (because that is all I could do for a few days) I realized that the final I was about to go in and take really didn't matter in the grand scheme of things. One day my GPA, the clothes I wear, my dress size, the makeup I wear, whether I dated anyone in college, the money in my bank account, the positions I hold, etc. will NOT matter...I learned that I have to live my life for TODAY...because we are not promised tomorrow. Things happen. Life happens. But we can not forget who we are and who we live for. We can't forget what our purpose on this Earth is...to glorify God in every thing we do. We are here to serve. We are here to help others and give of ourselves.

Everything happens for a reason...I truly believe that God has put our faith to the test and for it we will be better people, a better family, and better believers. I was living my life for me and for what I could work for and get to some day. Now, I remember to live for today. I remember how precious and short life is and how incredibly blessed I am. I remember to put on a smile and be happy even when I don't feel like being happy. I remember to hug my Dad in the morning...I remember to send encouraging text messages....I remember to tell people how much I appreciate them...I tell my friends and family that I love them.

Please remember to live your life for today. And always remember to tell your loved ones how much you love and appreciate them. Tomorrow is never promised.

The New "Normal"

It is hard to believe that life can take on some type of normality when a loved one (especially an 18 year old) is fighting cancer. We have settled into a new "normal" at our house. Other than chemo every 3 weeks and a shiny bald head it is hard to believe Barclay is sick. He has his days, especially the ones during the week after chemo, but other than some fatigue and a little bit of nausea he seems like a normal teenager. I know he doesn't feel "normal" but he sure puts on a good show.
This last chemo treatment was probably the toughest one yet not only on Barclay's physical health but on his emotions. He was exhausted all week and just really didn't feel good at all. His nurses at JACC certainly feel for him and are so good to take care of him.
Round #4 will be on Monday, July 25th. After that treatment he will go for another PET scan and the doctor will be able to determine if 2 more chemo treatments will be necessary. Until then we will continue living in our new "normal". Barclay and Bryce are ushers in a wedding for a very good friend of our family this weekend. We are crossing our fingers and hoping that we can get away sometime between now and the end of summer for a quick little vacation also.

Thank you for your continued prayers and support. We are still fighting this terrible illness with help from above. I don't know where we would be without our faith. How can anyone do it without knowing that our Father in heaven is pulling for us and helping us along the way? As the saying goes, "He never said it would be easy, just that He would be there every step of the way".

Mountains.

"Champions know there are no shortcuts to the top. They climb the mountain one step at a time."

-- Judi Adler

In my last post (6 months ago...oops!) I listed out all of the things to come in my future and the future of my family...B&B's high school graduation, Disney World, my graduation, etc. Little did I know that we would come face to face with a mountain so big that we would all have to climb together...

On Friday, April 22nd my 18 year old brother, Barclay, went to the doctor's office for a persistent cough he had for about a month. The doctor did a routine visit and then, by the grace of God, decided to do a chest x-ray just to rule out any and everything that could be causing the cough. He didn't expect to find anything at all...he figured it was allergies, a cold, etc. but said something told him he needed to do a chest x-ray. The x-ray showed a mass peeking out from behind his sternum. Dr. Robertson immediately scheduled Barclay for a CT scan for the following Monday. I knew my mom and dad were worried but I really didn't think much of it. Nothing bad is ever going to happen to you, right? The CT showed a huge mass behind the breast bone that was pressing on the superior vena cava and the bronchials. It was resting right over Barclay's heart and above his lungs. The early diagnosis looked like some sort of Lymphoma. Cancer. Cancer? Really? He's not old enough to have cancer.

The next step was to identify if he had hodgkin's or non-hodgkin's lymphoma. So, two days after the CT scan he had a needle biopsy through the chest wall. After a very long 36 hours we found that the tissue samples from the biopsy were mostly necrotic tissue and worthless for making a diagnosis. It was determined Barclay would have to have a cardiothoracic surgeon gon in through his chest and get a larger piece of the tumor for pathology. After deciding which doctor to go with everything fell into place and exactly one week after the initial CT scan Barclay was admitted to the hospital for a Monday afternoon surgery. By the middle of the lunch hour they had removed a small piece of rib and removed a chunk of the tumor and Barclay was awake in the Surgical ICU unit and talking to us about his experience. We honestly didn't realize how intensive the surgery was until afterwards. He essentially had open heart surgery without them actually messing with his heart. We spent 24 hours in the ICU, in which time we met and were cared for by many very special individuals that are truly appreciated.

Late Tuesday, we finally got a definitive diagnosis of Large B Cell (Non-Hodgkins) Lymphoma. The pathology was sent off to Mayo Clinic for a 2nd opinion. Barclay got to go home that Wednesday afternoon after a bone marrow aspiration. Despite the odds, he was able to attend prom that Saturday and had a great time with all of his friends. Everyone told him there was no way he would feel good enough to take on the starring role of Frenship's production of Phantom of the Opera that he had worked so hard for...he defied them as well. He performed both nights and had all of us in tears. Two days after the producation he had his first round of chemo...6 days after that he walked the stage at graduation and received a standing ovation. He was able to attend Red Raider Orientation at Tech last week. He has overcome so much already. At this point he has had two chemotherapy treatments and has been a good sport about it all. He has a CT on July 1st to see if the tumor in his chest is shrinking. After 4 rounds of chemo he will have a PET scan to see if the cancer cells are disappearing. If nothing at all shows up on the scan then they will not do the last 2 of the proposed 6 treatments. If cells still light up then they will finish out with 2 last treatments and then hit him with 20 days of radiation.

I have learned so much about myself and my family through all of this. It has certainly been a trying time for us but I know that in the end we will all come out as stronger people and an even stronger family. We are caught in the middle of a storm but God is with us! We ask that you continue pray for Barclay's healing. Specifically for the results of the CT scan on July 1st. God has placed so many individuals in our lives and we are so very thankful. Please also continue to lift up in prayer the doctors, nurses and other healthcare professionals that are caring for Barclay. I try to keep a caringbridge website up to date (www.caringbridge.org/visit/barclaywhite) I will try to remember to post my updates on here as well. Thank you for your continued prayers...we will continue to scale this mountain one step at a time!

Year in Review

Well...2010 didn't seem to last long. I guess that's what happens when you are busy all the time! So, here is my year in review...mostly in pictures.

January - We had some pretty ridiculous weather in Lubbock. We had multiple days of school canceled and tons of snow. I can't complain...I loved it :-) I was also blessed with an awesome job. Through some connections I made in my time in President's Select I was told about a position in the President's Office. I interviewed and got the job shortly after ringing in the new year. I truly could not ask for a better job.



February - My incredibly talented brothers both made the Texas All-State Choir. We all went to San Antonio for the TMEA conference, some shopping, and some great concerts. We were so proud of them! Sadly, the day after the concerts we had to load up and head to Lawton, Oklahoma for our great-grandmothers funeral. Our sweet Mamoo passed away after 92 years on this Earth. She was so ready to meet our precious Lord. We miss her spunky spirit, but we know she is so much happier now!


March - I was blessed to be asked to attend Texas Tech Day on the Hill in Washington, D.C. with the President and Chancellor of the University as well as some good friends. We were able to meet with Congressmen, tour the Capitol building, tour the White House, as well as have an amazing time just walking around the city. It was a once in a lifetime experience that I will never forget. Shortly after my trip to D.C. our family went to Colorado for Spring Break. We skied and had a GREAT time!


April - I was able to fly to Dallas for a weekend with one of my best friends. We celebrated her engagement and did some fun wedding stuff :-)


May - Misty got married at the end of May. It was BEAUTIFUL and so perfect :-)



June - July - I got to spend my summer with lots of friends and family. We celebrated the 4th of July with The Haynes crew as well as lots of other family. We also, unfortunatly, mourned the loss of our Nanny and Great Uncle. I can't begin to tell you what an amazing woman my Nanny was. She was the sweetest lady. The Lord was ready for her and she was ready to meet her Maker. We still miss her immensely. We all have our memories that we will cherish forever. We took my grandparents up to Colorado for a week right before school started. We relaxed and just enjoyed spending time together.

August - I turned 20. AH!




September - October - School took over. I worked Texas Tech football events almost every weekend! I also got my own little filly to raise. Her name is Bellah and she is handfull.


November - My family spent Thanksgiving here in Lubbock with 45 of our closest relatives...literally. It was so much fun! Shortly after Thanksgiving I ran for an office in President's Select. I am now the Treasurer and am so excited to serve the organization that has provided so many great opportunities for me. In the picture above you see me, my mom and dad and Cheryl. Cheryl is the newest member of our family. We met about a year ago and have become like sisters. She spends lots of time with the family and we all love her :-) So, from now on if you hear me talking about my sister...it's her!


December - Christmas was spent at home, as it is every year. This was our first Christmas with Cheryl and it was a ton of fun!

OK...that was 2010. Now, 2011 is going to be a pretty busy year.

• January - May - will be spent completing my last "traditional" semester of college and studying for teacher's certification exams.
• May - July - the boys will graduate from high school in May and I'm sure the rest of the summer will be spent celebrating and getting them ready for college life. It looks like we will be going back to the happiest place on earth (aka Disney World) for their Senior trip! YAY!
  
• August - December - The boys FIRST semester of college, My LAST semester of college. I will Student Teach this semester and GRADUATE December 17th. I hope to get a job right after graduation and start teaching January 2012. At this point I think I can officially say, "I'm a big girl now!"

So...as you can see...this last year has been AMAZING and the next year will be even better. I can't wait to see what the Lord has in store for me and my family.

Happy New Year everyone!

Catching up...

A very good friend of mine asked me to update....so I think I will. To start off my summer I was honored to be in her BEAUTIFUL wedding.



I took one class in summer school which may not sound like a lot, but believe me it was PLENTY. My family and I also dealt with 3 deaths this summer. We lost a friend, an uncle, and a great-grandmother. After my Nanny passed away I never thought I would stop crying. Somehow the Lord healed my broken heart and left me with a peace that let me know everything was as it should be.

I have so many good memories with my Nanny...she was an awesome lady. At 93 years old she was the wisest person I have ever known. Her faith in the Lord was like no other. During the last 6 months of her life she continued to tell us how ready she was to go "HOME", and she wasn't talking about leaving the nursing home for her house on 39th Street. I wish I could have one last day with her to talk about her faith and what God taught her throughout her life. But, I can rest knowing that I will be able to talk to her again someday. She is waiting for us up in heaven just wishing we could see what she sees. Right now I miss her. I can still hear her voice saying "There's my girl..." every time I walked in the door :) And every time I hear the songs "How Great Thou Art" and "Amazing Grace" I will always think about her.


My family and I went to Colorado at the end of the summer for a little getaway. We rented a cabin in Pagosa Springs and spent a lot of time resting and relaxing. The boys went fly fishing and I read....a lot. We did some hiking and we rode the train from Durango to Silverton (something we had not done in 8 years). It was so great. Living in Lubbock, TX makes it a little hard to believe that there is really a place so beautiful. It's amazing to wake up, look out the window, and see trees and giant mountains stretching to the sky. It's also amazing to think that God formed it all....with His hands....all in 7 days. We all had a great time and [unwillingly] came back to the real world to go back to work and start school.

Speaking of school....my [big] little brothers started their senior year last Monday....talk about a weird feeling. Even weirder is to know that one of them has already been accepted to Texas Tech and will start there a year from now. I also started school last week. I am 3 hours shy of being a senior. I will student teach a year from now and then I will graduate next December. Exciting? Yes. Scary? Most definitely.

Oh, I also turned 20 on Monday. Too bad I don't feel any wiser....



That is all for now :)

One of my very best friends is getting married tomorrow and I am so blessed to be one of her bridesmaids.
Another one just got engaged a week ago tomorrow.
LET THE WEDDINGS BEGIN!